From Early May:

Sometimes I am filled with so much sadness, overwhelming sadness, for my own imperfection, the imperfection of everyone around me and the imperfect world in which we all are forced to coexist. Nothing soothes me in this state, except maybe to lie in my room and read good poetry, strum my guitar.

I'm so tired. I'm killing myself to meet deadlines that are completely arbitrary, some higher-up's total mindfuck. I told my mom I'm not coming home to see her on mother's day. Maybe that makes me a total asshole but maybe I'm just tired of always doing the right thing. I need to choose me right now, the fact that it's mother's day is an unfortunate case of bad timing. It's just a day. I'll make it up to her on a different day and call that one mother's. Oh well. This is why you should never put all your eggs in one basket. When one kid disappoints, it's always helpful to have two others on hand.

This blog is quiet. So are others. April. What happened to April? I can't even remember where I was then. I don't know where I am now. But there are feelings. We are feeling and living now, maybe. Which has brought lunacy but also, more life. We are fighting the fight. Feeling is a dicey game though. There are choices to be made: dismiss, ignore, welcome, embrace. Sometimes I keep my distance, but then, so do you.