Me: Do I look shaggy today?
J: Do you mean hair wise?
Me: (nods)
J: Yea, a little. Is that on purpose?
Me: It wasn’t intentional so to speak. I didn’t iron and my hair is grown out, hence, shaggy.
J: Well, it looks nice. Better than me.
Me: So you feel good about it in its shagginess?
J: I feel pretty good about it.
Me: Btw, I am in serious detach mode, the worst it’s been.
J: Really? The worst it’s been?
Me: Yes, the worst. Like I’ve been thinking about fleeing, moving to another city, getting away somehow.
J: You need like 2 days away from him and it should get a little better.
Me: I have to see him tomorrow @ book club.
J: Okay, well if you flee you will just find another Fred in another city. Fleeing is not the answer, physically or mentally. Wow my handwriting is terrible!
Me: What is the answer then?
J: Working through your anxiety. Talking to him, etc.
Me: Pfff!
J: I feel disgusting right now.
Me: I think I am happier by myself
J: Yes clearly you were a happy person before Fred.
Me: Am I one now?!
J: I think you’re anxious but I can’t say that you’re depressed.
Me: I will never be happy. It doesn’t matter. There will always be a reason to be discontent. The world is so full of ills. People are disappointing.
J: I can’t respond to that. Sorry.
Me: I knew you’d love that one.
J: Yes you should put that on your tombstone.
Me: I think people that are always happy are in some sense kidding themselves. They are blind fools.
J: Maybe. But at least they’re happy.
Me: Touché! Ignorance IS bliss.
J: In the end, you won’t win at life by being the most real and truthful.
Me: I think that is one of the smartest, most pertinent things you’ve said to me in the way of advice.
J: Sarcasm?
Me: Nope
J: Okay. I don’t believe you.
Me: I’m serious. I think that’s a really important thing for me to understand.
Me (again): But if not truthfulness and reality, what else is there? We need something to hold on to.
J: What do you need to hold on to? Why does it matter?
Me: Bc something needs to be indisputable, foundation, grounding. Otherwise life is bullshit.
J: Well I think that’s the point. It is bullshit. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have morals or values but to attribute meaning or look at every little thing and find the truth in all of it is meaningless.
Me: Damn. Life is bullshit. This is where I’ve gone wrong. Expecting it to be more.
J: I know. We’ve talked about this before. It’s not that deep. I think it’s a relief. Focus on other things.
Me: Damn it! Damn it all to hell!
Me (again): Like what Reality TV? Basketball?
Me: This has been one of the more interesting asset management meetings.
J: Nice work. I agree.
Me: Oh, that Freddie B. [Freddie B: a client who goes by the name “Freddie B”]
J: He’s a silly man. Why couldn’t he use his last name? Is Beasly so hard to pronounce?
Me: Bruce's voice makes me think of a juicy steak.
3 comments:
I've had that conversation so many gazillions of time (being your part of course) that I'm entirely unqualified to comment upon it, but I will anyhow, which's to say that truth etc won't make you necessarily "win at life," but it feels a lot better to be honest and lose than it does to be dishonest and still lose. See that? That's optimism at work.
It's funny, I seem to have a very similar work situation to you [time to blog, wear converse, pass notes in class]... but your conversations are waaay more profound than the ones I have with my co-workers. Right now, half of my team are demonstrating what they learned at Pole Dancing School, and the other half are into their 2nd hour of discussion about who the hottest Gladiator is. No joke.
So, did you talk to Fred? Or are you going to look for him in another city?
R - I think I've had this conversation a gazillion times too. It's funny when you talk about repeating yourself because I feel like that's all I do, hence this blog's name. Also, on a somewhat related note, I find that when you think about things as much as I do and have constant internal dialogue, you tend to forget what you've actually said and what you've just thought, or thought about saying. Also, on to something here, maybe life isn't about winning.
C- They aren't usually this profound. A lot of our time is spent throwing stressbasketballs at each other and playing hang man on our dry erase board.
Fred. Yes. He's still around. More on that later.
Post a Comment